Love Conquers All

I’ve read 1 Corinthians 13 a LOT to help me get through this dreadful holiday. 

I’m the type of girl who can sit through a romantic movie or read a romantic novel and cry about the joy that a couple experiences. I can sit, eat chocolate and obsess over two characters falling in love. I can listen to the cheesiest love songs ever written and be absolutely OK with it. I can sit through hours of Four Weddings and Say Yes To The Dress. However, throughout all of this lovey-dovey stuff I grew to have a great amount of dislike and disgust with love after I failed at it.

It’s not that I hate seeing my friends and family happy and in love. In fact, I love celebrating the joyful season of love that many are in. I think that the idea of ME being in a relationship and in love was something that I could not fathom. Part of that was because of the things that I experienced.

I’ve only been in two serious relationships in the last seven-ish years. So, yes, I know exactly what it feels like to be in love. I know what if feels like to have another person there for you when you need them the most. I know what it feels like to plan ahead. I know what it feels like to have all of these dreams and wishes with that one person. I know what if feels like to be loved, and I know what it feels like to love. I’m not an emotionless robot. 

During my season of being in a relationship I grew away from the Lord BOTH times. My time became so invested in this one person. I put Jesus in a box and tucked him away. OH, but when something went wrong in my relationships, you better believe that I took Him out of that box and begged Him to make my relationship work. I begged Him to fix me or fix the guy, and when that didn’t happen I blamed Him. SELFISH, is exactly what I was.

I wanted my love life to be about me, me, me. Both of my relationships began with me inviting Jesus to be in the center, and then eventually kicking Him out of the center when things seemed like they were going well. I didn’t what Jesus to be a part of it, even though both of my relationships were with a Christian guy.
My focus shifted from Jesus and His ultimate love to this guy whose love would never truly be enough for me. 
Long story short, both relationships ended very badly. (Lesson: keep Jesus in the midst and everything will work out IF it’s His purpose. Don’t put Him in a box).

It’s been three years since I’ve been in a relationship. Sure, I’ve been on a few dates here and there, but nothing has ever been too serious.
I’ve been through the relationship cycle. I know that there needs to be a lot of time, focus and prayer invested in order for a relationship to prosper. And honestly, I’m still learning to love myself. 

Many of my friends and family have asked me when I’m going to meet someone and settle down. I DREAD those conversations, but honestly I’ve given it much thought and prayer. The real answer is: I’m just not ready. I don’t want to put Jesus in a box again. God forbid that that will ever happen. During this season of my life I’m beginning to recognize my true self and my potential. I’m realizing that I am worthy and I am capable of loving again, one day. 

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” -Ephesians 2:10

I’ve lived and I’ve seen what a relationship did to me and my personal relationship with the Lord, and I am absolutely disgusted with my action of putting Jesus to the side while I focused on this temporary person who was temporarily in my life. I don’t ever want to experience that again.
In due time, the Lord will allow me to experience love with another person, but until then… My relationship and my love for the Lord is stronger than ever, and that is exactly where I want to keep it.

I’m learning to love my family more. I’m learning to love my friends. And I’m learning to love my potential and my purpose.

All in all, I’m so thankful that I learned to recognize and have 1 Corinthians 13 written on the tablet of my heart all of these years.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Whether you are single or whether you are in a relationship, please remember that keeping the Lord first in this season of your life will be so beautiful in the end.

For those who are single: I know what it’s like to wait for the right person. While you’re waiting, I encourage you to seek God like never before. Pray for your future spouse.

For those who are in a relationship: Always seek the Lord. Don’t become so invested in a relationship to the point where you lose focus of the ultimate love of Jesus. Seek the Lord together as a couple. I encourage you and your significant other to set time together to pray for each other and the plans that the Lord has.

For everyone: Remember that His love never fails.

Ash